I was 34 years old, had a good job, a loving partner and a peaceful life.
Despite this, every morning I woke up with high anxiety, a stiff body and a deep feeling of anguish in the middle of my chest ?
Going to work had become a nightmare, I woke up with very strong tension in my neck and an incredible feeling of fatigue in my body. Anxiety and tension accompanied me through my days, making even the simplest things extremely complicated.
Just when I thought I had achieved everything in my life that I thought I had wanted for years, instead of feeling happy, I was sinking into a spiral of negative emotions that were taking me further and further down.
Everything I had built with commitment was collapsing before my eyes and I could not understand the cause.
I had a normal life, everything was familiar and comfortable, everything seemed to be going well, yet I felt dissatisfied and with the feeling that something was missing.
It was not a passing feeling, but a deep malaise, a sort of emptiness I had inside and felt every day.
I had the feeling that at some point I had been robbed of the ability to feel emotions, both negative and positive, I lived my days in a great emptiness, which was terribly frightening. Used to having enthusiasm for any event, I find myself feeling no emotion, I think of my parents and nothing, of my girlfriend, nothing, of a day at the beach, total emptiness.
A state in which I am no longer living but surviving, trying to avoid the next crisis of anguish.
But why do I feel like this what is wrong with my life ,
What are you missing? You have everything !!
This was what everyone told me when I tried to explain how I was feeling.
A seemingly innocent question, the intent of the person talking to us is to help us, trying to shift the focus to everything we have instead of what we lack.
The result, however, was quite the opposite: not only was I going through a moment of crisis, but I also felt misunderstood and even guilty for not being able to appreciate the positive things that I knew were there but physically could not.
A desire to investigate within myself in search of the things that would make me rediscover the pleasure of living a life more in line with my needs and fulfilling.
I started to write down all my observations in my personal diary and realized that, in order to get back to feeling good about myself, I would have to go back to doing all those things that made me feel good during my childhood, but which I had abandoned over the years, due to study, work, and moving abroad.
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